


well, i could die a happy man if i could be with you

by WattStalf



Series: Nonconvember 2020 [3]
Category: Baccano!
Genre: F/M, PWP, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:33:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27162547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WattStalf/pseuds/WattStalf
Summary: He reckons he can only do this because he was never human to begin with.
Relationships: Ricardo Russo/Christopher Shaldred
Series: Nonconvember 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1982671
Kudos: 3





	well, i could die a happy man if i could be with you

**Author's Note:**

> Ricardo doesn't deserve this  
> tell my loli wife i'm sorry

She looks up at him, tears in her eyes, making them look even bigger, even more innocent than usual. He is terrible for this, and he reckons he can only do this because he was never human to begin with. Maybe it serves her right for letting him get this close when she knew, she  _knew_ from the beginning, that he was only ever going to bring destruction into her life. Wasn’t that what she wanted, that day when they first became friends?

“Ah, you’re so cute, Ricardo,” he says with a wide smile as he holds her down, watching a tear slip down her cheek. And she really is, the cutest girl there ever was, even if most do not look at her and see a girl. She makes a cute boy too, though, and Christopher has always considered himself straight, but if she had been a boy, if she had never told him that she was really a girl, they still would have ended up here. No matter what, they would have ended up here, because she is Ricardo, and Ricardo is everything he has ever wanted.

He has no idea how to describe it, and never has. He does not even realize when or how it began, but one day, he understood perfectly that he wanted her, that this was as close to being in love as a thing like him could ever be. That is probably mean, probably unfair to every inhuman person that has ever fallen in love, but even then, Christopher has felt that disconnect, and even here, it is no different. At least, he wants it to be different, because it would be much more mean, to them, to Ricardo, to anyone who has ever been in love before, to call what he feels right now “love.”

But even so, he has to have her. Even through all the times that he has resisted it and even through all the times that he has tried to convince himself that he did not need it, he has never been able to shake this need, and he has to have her. He can say sweet things to her, can compliment and praise her, all the way through, and he can pretend like that makes it better, just as long as he never says that he loves her, because that would be going too far, and it would be an insult to everyone who has ever been in love before.

“You’re so good, such a good girl,” he says, brushing her tear away with his thumb. Everything about her is beautiful; all he has ever wanted is to be close to her, to be as close to her as possible. He wanted to be her friend and then he wanted to be her best friend and then he simply wanted her and now she is more vulnerable than she has ever been, and he is the only person left in the world who cares about her.

She has no family, besides an uncle or a second cousin- Christopher forgets what it is when your parents are cousins, because he has never had that sort of family- who probably does not care a bit about her. Even when she had a family, they hardly cared, and now they are gone and now it is just Christopher, holding her down as he tries to soothe her through the pain. He knows to be gentle with her, since this is her first time, but it still hurts and she is still scared, and he wants her so badly, admires her so much.

If only he _could_ love her, he finds himself thinking, and he wishes that he could. He wouldn’t be doing this right now if he did, and he would still have the same ache in his chest, watching her and knowing that he could never have her, but he would not be doing this, because if he loved her, he never would have let himself go this far, no matter how much he wanted her.

“Do you want me to call you Ricardo?” he asks her suddenly, a question he has never dared ask before. With all of their boundaries shattered, it seems so much easier, and this is a different situation than what either of them are used to. “Or would you rather I call you Lydia, when we’re alone like this? It’s been a long time since anyone has, right?”

“But you’ve…” Her voice is quiet, and it breaks as she tries to speak, wavering with her tears. “But you’ve always called me Ricardo. It’s not that I care about it, but…that doesn’t have to change.”

He wants to be able to say that he loves her right now. The way his heart sores at her words makes him want to say that he loves her, but it’s just further proof that he doesn’t. Her voice is broken and her eyes are slowly going dead, the life brought to them by her tears fading, and she just wants him to use the name he always has because she wants one part of their relationship to remain intact, to be as it always was. If he were to call her Lydia right now, it would change everything, and he has already changed- already _ruined_ \- so much.

“Your wish is my command, Ricardo,” he replies, his tone false and cheerful, like he has any right to be playful with her, like he is teasing her while they walk down the street, rather than raping her and robbing her of what little innocence she had left. He is a terrible person, but he reckons that he can do this because he is not human, and he has never been good at playing human.

He just had to have her, and he will never know what being in love is like, and he will never be able to become a human, so he embraces what he can. He embraces Ricardo, hugging her to his chest while she stops crying, giving up completely and letting him have his way with her.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're interested in my writing updates, please follow my fanfiction twitter @WattStalf  
> 


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